Thursday, September 29, 2011

Why Did I Lie?

I've got this coworker. We have both been through a lot throughout our time of working together in these past 4 years, give or take. The biggest events that we have helped each other get through was when I was diagnosed with MS and when she lost her baby. We have had many a days when one of us would walk in to the others office, shut the door and just cry. We are there for each other at work, yet we never talk or see each other outside of it. It's that type of relationship. We're "work friends".

I've also been a big cheerleader for her as she has been trying to lost weight ever since I've been here. She went from 170 to 140 and is now back up to 170. I try to give her encouragement, and she's the only person at work that I would mention anything to when I would lose "a little weight". I've never talked numbers with her or told her about my exact plan of action. I've always been very vague with her.

Yesterday, I was chatting with her at the microwave during lunch as I waited for my soup to warm up. It was homemade Zuppa Toscana.

When I pulled my soup out, she said "Oh, still sticking to your plan, I see. How much have you lost so far?" There was a long pause as my face turned red and I tried to think of a way around the question. Finally, I told her "Well, I was just out on that business trip so I gained a few pounds, but overall I'd say about 15 pounds." (LIE!!!) She congratulated me and encouraged me to keep going. Then, she asked me what my overall weight loss goal was and I just laughed and said "a lot!" She asked how long I had been working on losing the weight and I told her since May, but not as consistently as I'd like. She continued to encourage me, then we went our separate ways.

Now I'm asking myself, why did I lie? I haven't lost 15 pounds, I have lost 30! That's something to be proud of, yet I felt too ashamed to admit it. I felt so much fear when she asked that question. Mostly, I think that I was scared that she wouldn't believe me or that she would think something like "if she lost 30 pounds, how much does she actually have to lose?" At 170 pounds, when she lost 30 pounds, the difference was incredible. When you weigh 268 and lose 30 pounds, I don't know how much people really notice.

Being so reserved about my weight loss, to the point where I lie about it, seems so silly. The lie was definitely influenced by fear. A fear that I believe I can get over in time.

Outside of sparkpeople/online weight-loss resources, how open are you with discussing your weight/weight loss with the people in your life?

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1 comment:

  1. You should be so so so Proud of the weight loss number. I say my weight all the time to people..I currently weigh 219(havent weighed in 6 weeks) but I was 243.3 I told everyone for the pure fact is I do not want to be that number again! Don't be ashamed of that number. My best friend is 350 pounds and she is losing weight! Keep those numbers as motivation! Doesn't matter what your "before" weight is or even"that number" you have to lose..because in reality you are more motivated and doing better than everyone sitting on the couch. So be proud of those 30 pounds you worked your butt off to lose!