Thursday, February 2, 2012

My Fat Convinced Them

One of my best friends is getting married in August, which is the reason that I began my Big Bridesmaid Challenge. The bridesmaid dress that we seemed to agree on was being challenged last night my the maid of honor, the bride's older sister. She wanted all of us to wear the same dress (whereas the bride, my friend, didn't care either way, but seemed to be deferring the decision to her older sister last night). When I arrived at the bridal shop, the maid of honor had what seemed to be 10 dresses picked out for her to try on in her size 4. My friend, the bride, said that we were going to pull all of the same dresses in my size to see if we could come to an agreement on a dress that looked good on everyone. Thankfully, the dress that I thought we had already agreed on was in the pile. You can see that dress by clicking HERE.

A fashion show of bridesmaid dress after bridesmaid dress would most definitely be fun for a size 4, but it is a nightmare for a size 24. With each dress that I tried on, I worried if it would zip. I was very self conscious and actually felt bad about myself. It was a horrible feeling, dress after dress. The issue was me; every dress looked good on the size 4. The reason why were were back at this dress shop was because of me. You can read about the initial bridal shop visit by clicking HERE.

The other dress, however, was a form fitting dress that showed every imperfection of my body. It was worse than the dress that I initially turned down. My face felt like it was on fire as I watched the maid of honor talk the bride in to saying yes to this dress. I love my friend, enough to go through the humiliation of one day in a form fitting dress, but I want to look good for her. It wasn't even all for me. Time seemed to slow down again, and I couldn't believe that I was being put in this position, again. Because of my weight! I was very uncomfortable, physically, in this dress, but I didn't want to ruin the moment and come right out and say "no"! The bride looked from the maid of honor (size 4), to another bridesmaid (size 2) and then to me (size 24). I was "sucking it in" as much as I could, but it barely made a difference. When something is form fitting, it is form fitting! As the bride started making her rounds again, looking from the size 4, to the size 2, and then to me; I realized that if I didn't do something, this was going to be the dress that she was going to pick if I didn't do something! Her sister and her mother were gushing over how great it looked on her, and it really did, but it was a nightmare on me. I felt bad. At that moment, before her eyes reached me for a second time, I stopped "sucking it in"; instead, I "let it all out"! After all, this is what it would look like on me at the wedding. I didn't want to give her false hope that it actually looked good! I was trying a new tactic. I was going to let my fat convince them not to get this dress. After an embarrassing minute of silence, which of course felt like five minutes to me, somebody suggested that we try on the other dress; the dress that actually looked good on all of us! I was so relieved! I hurried in to the dress that I was comfortable in and was so relieved when the bride agreed that this dress was the one. She said that we could buy the dress that night if we wanted to, and the maid of honor said that she would wait. I had this sinking feeling that if we waited, we wouldn't be ending up with this dress, so I said that I was ready to pay and put the dress on our credit card.
All things considered, I suppose that the visit at the bridal shop was a success. I wish I didn't have to be the difficult one in this process. I want the very best for my friend and her wedding. That is just another reason why I need to work on losing this weight. Once I got home from my super long day, my husband had dinner and a hug ready for me. We went to the gym afterwards and I am still feeling good from that workout! The evening at the bridal shop has given me another boost of motivation to lose this weight; and I will!

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