Wednesday, May 20, 2015

More to Goal of Losing

My week has been great, so far! Why has it been so great? Well... because it's been filled with babies. 

Two of my best friends from high school had babies within the past couple weeks. How great is that?! I got to meet one of these adorable babies yesterday! I was actually set to meet my friend's baby with the other friend who was pregnant but her baby decided to come early that morning, instead! I just couldn't be more happy for these girls! And let me tell you, Piper is 3 months old -- strike that, she's turning 4 months old tomorrow {how?!!) and I already forgot how amazing it feels to hold a newborn. Oh my gosh! Just amazing.

I digress.

I have come to a real deep realization about myself these past couple days. I haven't fully collected my thoughts on this realization, so bare with me as I let my heart speak.

I use to be extremely motivated to lose weight. I wanted to lose weight to be healthy, but I'm finding out now that wasn't the only reason why I wanted to lose weight. 

Deep down inside, I knew that if I ever wanted to have a child, I would need to lose weight. 

So yes, I had a goal of losing weight. The thing that I didn't realize before, however, was that my heart had a silent ending to that sentence. The sentence that only my heart knew was that I had a goal of losing weight so that I could become pregnant, and have a baby one day


My daughter, Piper, and I during a morning feeding, yesterday.

My heart didn't really let my head know too much about my true reasoning for wanting to lose weight because it was afraid. My heart was afraid that even if I did lose the weight, I might still not be able to have a baby. So, I believe my heart kept that secret until my dream finally came true, with Piper.


Piper at the park.

Now that I'm ready to get back to losing weight again, I find myself struggling. I am struggling with motivation. My greatest motivation to lose weight is gone -- or rather, finally here. In a sense, I have accomplished my greatest goal. This makes it very hard to find the motivation to continue on. I don't know how to fully explain how I feel. I guess it would be similar to somebody who plays the lottery. When you finally hit it big, I mean the biggest you can hit, do you continue to play the game? You just won the greatest lottery you can win! Do you go back to buy another ticket the next day? This is hard. I need to dig deep.


Those cheeks! I'm so in love.

So what do I do now? Do I move forward, trying to lose weight halfheartedly? Or do I find a new motivation? What motivates me, doesn't necessarily motivate you, and vice versa. This search for motivation will have to be personal, and only I can find for what I'm searching. I plan to continue sharing my journey with you, wherever I go. I hope you'll continue along with me.

Readers, what is your biggest motivation in life, right now? Has it changed from the past?

4 comments:

  1. I completely understand what you are saying, as I walked a similar path. I let my new motivation be my children, and the fact that I want to be here to watch them grow up. I want to run around with them. They are my reason to keep going. It is my job to teach them a healthy lifestyle, and I want to set the best example that I can.

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    1. Yes! I agree, Jalyce (love your name, by the way). I am so excited to teach Piper a healthy lifestyle! I want her life to be rich in health!

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  2. At one time, having a child was also my primary motivation for losing weight; once I had my baby, losing weight definitely went to the back burner--you're in survival mode right now! I started actively trying to lose weight again when my first kid was about 5 or 6 months old. I knew that I needed to lose weight so I could actually keep up with my kids and be healthy for them. Now that I have 2 kids, I'm 99% certain that we're done, but I still want to lose the weight, but more importantly, be healthy for them. I want to set a healthy example for my kids, something that I never had when I was growing up. I want to run and play with them, and more superficially, I don't want to be the "fat mom" who can't keep up with her kids. You'll figure out eventually what you want, but for now, sit back and soak up your sweet baby while she's still so tiny. These moments are fleeting!

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    1. Some days Piper makes it so easy for us, we forget we are in survival mode still. But then, we are very much reminded! I am going to enjoy the season I'm in. Even if it's one step forward and two steps back. It won't always be this way! Thanks for the comment, Christina! :)

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