A little over a year ago, I was sitting in my boss's office at eight months pregnant. I can't tell you how many times I tried to work up the nerve to walk in to her office that day, just to end up turning away at the last minute. Finally, somehow, I made it in.
I remember feeling breathless when I walked into her office, which wasn't very surprising since I was eight months pregnant with a nine-pound baby. However, my breathlessness wasn't just from the pregnancy this time. The breathlessness was from my nerves as I was about to have the talk with her; the one that I wasn't even sure if I was ready to have, myself. It was the talk where I would tell her that I'm leaving my job to become a stay at home mom.
I knew that I wanted to stay at home with my baby. I knew that I didn't want to drive a 45 minute commute twice a day, missing out on quality time with my girl. I knew that I didn't want to miss the smiles, the giggles, the milestones. I just didn't know if I could do it; financially and otherwise.
Despite knowing what motherhood was truly like, I made the decision to leave my job to stay at home with my baby. It was one of the hardest and easiest decisions I've ever had to make in my life. A year later now, I can also say that it was the best decision of my life.
Whenever I left my job, a job that I really loved, I was anxious. It's easy to dream but it can be scary to actually follow your dreams. I had some people doubt me and my ability to stay at home, financially and otherwise. Not like it was their business, but they wanted to know how could I afford to stay at home? I was a little taken back when I was first asked that question, mostly because the true answer was "I don't know". That's when a phrase couldn't have rung more true in my heart; dreams find the means.
I believe that phrase rings true in my heart for many different situations, becoming a stay at home mom being the biggest situation, yet. Whenever I quit my job, my goal was to make it as a stay at home mom for the first year of my daughter's life. My daughter turned one two weeks ago and I'm still here; I'm still at home.
I do miss work at times, however, I think I've filled that void fairly well by doing some occasional photography sessions and working on my at-home business/online shop (Anything Rustic). It certainly isn't the same kind of work I use to do, being a paralegal but, running your own business requires a lot of the same organizational skills I use to thrive with in my old career. I love the challenge, I love being creative and I love being productive. It's been the perfect outlet for me.
Just recently I was asked when I will be going back to work and I was taken back; the true answer again being, "I don't know". If I were to be honest, my dream is to stay home with my daughter for as long as we can afford. Despite the challenge of some days, there is no place I'd rather spend my days than with my little girl. For now and the foreseeable future, I will be staying a stay at home mom. I will continue living out my dream.