Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Hello 2019

Hello, 2019. I am happy to see you.

If I'm being honest, the last few months of 2018 felt like a blur. Piper started preschool at the end of August, on the same day that I started my new part time job, and life has been one big race against the clock ever since. The struggle to finding a good rhythm during those first few months was real. We're 4 months in now and, I can say that a good rhythm has been found and some much needed personal boundaries have been established.

During one of my quiet moments with God these past couple weeks, He revealed to me something that I already knew but, in a way that only God could; in a way that shook me to the core. God revealed to me that I am a wife and a mother. I know, I know, this isn't earth-shattering news but, in this moment, for me, it was. 

I don't know how to describe it but, when He revealed that obvious truth to me, I really heard it. A quiet, bold font thought passing through my mind during a prayerful mediation changed everything. Ever since coming out of that moment of prayerful meditation, I have been looking at my husband and daughter differently. It's almost as if God gave me a new set of eyes to see with; as if He's granted me the privileged of seeing something new in what's been there all along. 

And just like that, the race against the clock had been won. The grand prize had been gifted from Him alone. I am a wife and a mother. After months of racing around, I rest in that simple truth.

In being reminded of this simple truth, I believe I can serve God in wonderful ways by serving my family as often as I can. This was just the revelation I've been praying for as I struggled with a decision that had been weighing heavily on me for a little over a month. I've needed to come to a decision on whether or not I'd participate in a very involved training series through work. Saying yes to this training would provide me with so much spiritual and personal growth but, saying yes would also take me away from home even more often in the coming months. I struggled with the decision for weeks, going back and forth. I was ready to say yes but, I was still unsure. I wanted to say no but, it didn't feel right. I was utterly torn. Then, after being reminded of a simple truth during a quiet prayerful mediation, I was able to confidently decline. 

It is not the time for this training. I would not be able to serve my family well through it, not in this given season, not at this given time, not with our given schedule, not with my given calling.

I believe that this year, with the priority being to serve God through both my family and the church, I will be able to confidently decline more of the things that may have previously caused me pause or things that don't align with my priorities.

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Now, as my husband graciously pointed out, in order to serve anything well, I must also take good care of myself. So, to quote my post from January 1, 2018: 
"My priorities [for the new year] are going to be geared more toward self-care. I want to drink more water, stretch, become more active, eat well, listen to more music, drink hot tea in the afternoons, allow myself some quiet time, use my bible study and prayer journals, take my vitamins, build myself up spiritually, physically and otherwise. I think if I do all of that, the weight will drop naturally but, that's not my sole motivation and, that feels nice. It feels right."
I think I was on to something. I am going to carry this into 2019 with me, as well.

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