Wednesday, April 27, 2022

Grief and the Weather

Another reason why I may not be blogging as often lately is because I’ve been journaling more. Pencil to paper. It’s my favorite way to write!

I want to share what I wrote in my journal today. It was about grief and the weather.
As I sit in my chair next to the window, I see there is a light dusting of snow on the trees outside. This might be another year where we see snow clear into May. This weekend, we had a wonderful taste of Spring - well, Summer, actually. It was 80° and sunny. Today, a soft snow falls from the sky.

The abrupt change in weather is a shock to the body and mind. A familiar feeling. It reminds me of my walk through grief. Some days feel like summer, and some days snap you right back into winter.

I really don’t want to look at winter as “bad” and summer as “good” even though it may feel that way at times. They both have their purpose; their own beauty. Same goes with the “winter” and “summer” we experience in grief. 

The cold and isolating days of grief/winter are grueling. But in those cold, dark days the Lord’s warm invite into His loving arms feels more like exactly what we need. 

Likewise, in the joyful days of summer we can feel the Lord’s warm embrace as the hot sun covers our body and all His creation.

The weather today, such a stark contrast to the weather of yesterday, can remind us of one important thing: 

God’s warm embrace is waiting for us in any season. 

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

Our Family Easter 2022

Whoops! I forgot to hit "publish" on this post. So even though it's been well over a week, I hope you all had a wonderful Easter! We sure did! 

There were quite a few times where I intentionally stopped whatever I was doing to savor the fact that we are living out some of the best days of our lives with our kids. Every day with young children comes with a different mix of chaos and beauty. That goes for holidays, especially. 

On Saturday, I worked at our family’s diner in the morning and then we all went to church for an evening Easter service. I love Easter and all that it calls us to reflect on in Jesus. 

We had a nice and slow Sunday morning. The kids opened everything in their Easter baskets on and then we all decided to go to our family’s diner for breakfast. After Laney’s nap, we went to my dad’s house for lunch. It was a really nice day!

I did take some video footage over Easter weekend. I hope to have a little video montage created sometime soon! :)

Saturday, April 16, 2022

Value in the Mundane

Hello, hello! I hope this blog finds you well. Thanks for stopping by to catch up with me today.

It’s quite clear that I haven’t been blogging as much recently. The other day, I started to ask myself why that has been the case. Sure, I haven’t been feeling all that well (see previous post for more on that). But, that isn’t the only reason. Some of the reason is because I feel like I don’t want to waste anyones time with my ramblings. Time is precious and fleeting. I don’t want to waste my own time or yours. 

So, I think another reason I haven’t been blogging all that much is because I’ve been trying not to blog unless I have something really important to say. Unlike years ago, when I would update on the most mundane, little daily things happening in my life. But, I don’t know if I like that train of thinking all that much. Because it’s the little, sometimes mundane things, that I want to be able to look back on and remember.

For instance, I want to share and remember how when our 16 month old daughter, Laney, gives hugs she throw her arms behind her back and lays into you. It’s truly the sweetest thing. Or, how Piper helped me plant our tomato seeds for this years garden the other day. During which time, she shared a bunch of facts about how to grow plants and how worms are beneficial for the soil. In that moment, my heart was so proud.

It’s those little things that happen throughout our days that I want to capture and savor for years to come. So while some of my writings may seem mundane, I don’t believe it is a waste of time (at least for me) to capture it all. I hope to be sharing more of the mundane here, soon.

Friday, April 1, 2022

Welcoming April + Opening Up About My Health

Hello, and happy Friday! Better yet, happy first day of April! I ended the month of March at my lowest weight since before I was pregnant with Delaney (who is now 15 months old). Despite some frustrating health issues that come and go - I have been feeling really good at this weight.

I think I am finally ready to start talking about my elusive health issues. Ever since last Fall, I have been dealing with a rash that has become quite debilitating at times. In late September, the rash began in my underarms. It seemed almost as if it were a simple heat rash. Then it morphed into something else when I got COVID only a couple weeks later. 

When I am in a flare with this rash, it is all I can think about because it burns and itches and makes my entire body tense and prickly. My joints become stiff when I'm in a flare. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning, it is hard to close my hand into a fist, or send a text to my husband. My fingers don't work well during a flare, which is probably just another reason why I have been less motivated to type an update for my blog. Thankfully, these issues aren't constant. They come and go throughout each month. It's been six months, now. It is hard to stay hopeful for the day these issues may end. It is hard to still not know the root cause of these issues.

I recently had bloodwork done in effort to rule out autoimmune issues. Although not definitive, the bloodwork came back good. Now, in a couple of weeks, we move on to the other types of testing. We will be working on ruling out other things next - through a mammogram and ultrasound. I'm only 34 and so it is quite early but, not too early for this sort of thing.

The hardest part of all of this has been the mental toll it has taken on me. Every day, the first thing that I do when I wake up in the morning, is ball my hand up into a fist to see if I can do it. Then, I feel the area where my rash is to see if it is inflamed. When I'm in a flare, I am defeated. When I am not in a flare, I am fearful of when I will be in a flare again. This has been my reality for many months now.

With all that said, I have been trying harder lately to not allow this health struggle to consume me. There is much to be joyful and hopeful for outside of all of this. I am incredibly blessed and my hope remains in a God that is much bigger than these issues - or any issue for that matter.