Friday, May 4, 2018

Mom-Guilt, Losing Patience and Tempers

Good morning, readers. It's 8 a.m. and, I've already pressed the re-do button on this day. While I hope Piper sleeps in a few moments longer so I can write my thoughts out for you all, I also can't wait for her to wake up so I can give her a big hug. We both need one.

Do you ever lose your patience and temper? No? Of course not, right? Hah. Well, this morning, I did. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, with Piper screaming at me through the monitor, in a very heated and nasty way. I looked at my FitBit and it was a little after 6 a.m. This was not going to be the way we started our day, I thought to myself.

I went into her room with the intention of giving her patience and, my patience was quickly spent. Three-year old's have a special way of sucking the patience right out of you sometimes. I know I'm not alone. It's a common trait of this age. Add still being sick to both of our accounts and, just like that, my patience was spent. I was quick to anger, a raised-voice and threats. Piper just gasped, broke into tears and fell into me with a hug. Enter mom-guilt.

I rubbed her back until she calmed down and was ready to lay back down. I told her it would be "morning time" soon and, she fell back to sleep almost instantly. She definitely needed the extra sleep and, I needed a little time to cool down and collect myself.

I heated myself up a warm cup of hot chocolate, opened up the windows to let some cool, wet air enter the house and, sat in my favorite chair in the back room while looking out over our yard. 

I wanted to just dwell on my mistake and let the mom-guilt eat me up for my failure but, my experience (yes, it's been 3 years, I can now draw from some motherly experience!) shows that just isn't productive or warranted. Mom's aren't perfect. Dad's aren't perfect. People aren't perfect. We all slip up. We all have bad mornings, bad days, bad nights, bad seasons. As easy as it is to dwell, grace and resilience are my allies in these moments.

As I sat there with my hot chocolate, looking out the window, I noticed there were buds on the trees. It's the beginning of May and, our trees usually have buds and some blooms by now. My husband and I were just saying last night that we were wondering if the apple tree and some others would even bud this year because of the long winter we had. Then, just like that, the buds begin to appear this morning.

This is reminiscent of the hard seasons and moments we all go through in life.

I was so inspired by the buds that, I went outside to capture them. I set my hot chocolate and the monitor on the work bench my husband has been using to help build a play house for Piper this week and, started walking through the wet grass in my flip flops. It felt so good.

The buds on the trees are a sign that the harsh season is over. The buds on the trees are a promise of a bloom. We all go through hard times, some more hard than others. This is a reminder that it won't last forever. One day, you'll wake up and there will be buds on the trees and, then, they will bloom.

Just give yourself grace in the wait.

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