Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Prenatal Vitamins + Nails

Happy Tuesday!

I have some happy news, today. So, last week I mentioned that I made it below 235 lbs. on the scale and that my wedding rings were feeling loose, right? Well, I am officially two wedding ring sizes down from my original size-9 and, rocking this new size-7 on my finger!


I bought a stand-in ring for my wedding rings for now, that way I don't have to resize them in case I do get pregnant sometime in the next year or so. No, I'm not pregnant now (womp womp) but, I pray that day will come in God's perfect timing. You can read more on that, here: Faith Over Fear: A Second Child.


I did get a few people wondering if I was pregnant when I mentioned that I was taking prenatal vitamins on Instagram last week. Again, I am not pregnant. Better luck next cycle. Which unfortunately is double the length of a typical cycle since I have PCOS. Sighing and moving on with a grateful heart, for I trust God's plan is best. It is well with my soul.

Songs of the moment: "It is Well" by Kristene DiMarco & Bethel Music + "So Will I" by Hillsong Worship



All of this questioning had me wondering: am I the only one who takes prenatal vitamins before getting pregnant?

I did this before we starting trying to get pregnant with Piper, too. Maybe I'm just a little weird but, I like to take prenatal vitamins for at least a year (or as long as I can) before getting pregnant, just so my body is stocked up on the vitamins and, also, so I can reap the benefits of them (like stronger nails and thicker hair).

It might be weird but, my nails aren't complaining. I haven't had nails this strong and long since I was pregnant in 2014.

Readers, did any of you take prenatal vitamins before being pregnant?

Monday, June 18, 2018

Father's Day Weekend 2018

Is it just me or do weekends in the summer go faster than any other time of the year? Phew!

Happy Monday, everyone! How was your weekend? As you might have guessed, ours went by pretty fast. 

On Saturday, we went around to yard sales for most of the morning and then, we went to a local carnival and parade in the evening.


Piper had so much fun at the carnival! We got her some tickets to jump in the multiple bounce houses that were set up at the carnival and she bounced her little heart out! 

We also ate some yummy carnival food and, watched a parade through town from the back of our family truckster (as Nick calls it). We has so much fun on Saturday night!


On Sunday, we went to church in the morning and then spent the rest of the day running around, delivering Father's Day gifts. 

We are blessed to have multiple Father's in our family. We dropped off gifts to both of our fathers and both of our step-father's. We also celebrated Nick with some gifts that Piper helped me pick out, making it all the more special.


By the time we got home, it was way past dinner time and so, I threw some burgers on the grill, tossed fries in the air fryer and had a quick, dinner before bedtime routine.

Readers, how was your weekend?

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Finally Under 235 lbs. - Again

Yesterday morning, I weighed in at a new lowest weight for the year - 234.5 lbs. I was so excited to see a number below 235! The last time I weighed in at 234 lbs was in November. That was seven months ago! It feels good to be back.

Some things that I've been noticing about my day-to-day now that I'm back down under 235 lbs...

1. My wedding rings are really loose. Whenever I got married, I weighed around 240 lbs. and so anything under that, I start feeling my rings get more and more loose. Well, even though I am only down about 6 lbs. from my wedding weight, I am noticing a big difference!

2. I'm not being too restrictive, I'm just making more healthy choices than not. I mean, I still ate out this week and got a milkshake from Cold Stone but, when I wasn't indulging in treats, I was making healthier choices.

3. I've been active almost every day, in some way, because I truly want to be. My daily activity hasn't and doesn't necessarily need to be in the gym either. I've been craving the extra activity lately. It's my own little escape or, my own time to process things. Last night, for example, I went for a run just because I wanted to do something good for my body and help me to process a big (and good) decision I have on my plate. Turning to exercise more often than food has been a good change for my lately.



4. I've been drinking water like crazy. Being hydrated has been helping me feel better and, when we feel good, we're more apt to make good choices.

Summer officially starts next week and, I just know this summer is going to be a good one for my weight-loss journey!

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Errands + Out to Lunch Vlog

It's the middle of the week! How's it been going for you? It's been busy over here! I feel like I can never get caught up or cleaned up but, that's alright. We have been enjoying the sun a lot lately and that's so much more important than having a clean house or folding those 4 laundry baskets filled with clothes anyway, right?

Today, I am sharing another day in the life vlog with you! I hope you enjoy this little peak into our day.


Thanks for stopping by!

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Anxiety and Depression

Hi, I'm Kalyn and I deal with anxiety and the occasional bout of depression.

Whew. Talk about getting straight to the point.

Many of you already know this and, to others it may come as a shock. Actually... I hope it's not a shock to anyone. I'm pretty much an open book. I mean, I write a blog about my weight-loss journey/life so yeah, I'd say I'm very much like an open book.

In being an open book, I don't want this very important chapter to be overlooked. Mostly because by sharing this chapter, it might make one more person out there feel less alone in this very common yet, personal struggle.


My anxiety is not something that affects me constantly but, it is very much apart of my story. Especially since becoming a mother. Worrying is just part of the job - amiright?

Anxiety looks different for everyone. I don't want to generalize it or water it down. I also don't want to bore you with too much detail with my specific triggers and such. What I do want to do is share a few ways that I cope with my anxiety that may help you, too.

1. Get an accountability partner. Nick is my person. He knows all about my anxiety and at times, I'd say he identifies my anxiety and knows how to alleviate it more than I do. He reminds me how to work through it and, helps navigate me through the storm, even if it's just by holding my hand until it's over. Find somebody who takes your mental health seriously, like it's their job - it might even actually be their job. Your accountability partner may be a medical professional.

2. Keep talking about it. Man, sometimes I go through such a high-anxiety season that it gets to the point where I don't even want to hear myself talk about it anymore. Just keep talking about it. Don't become quiet.

3. Identify your triggers. Evaluate yourself. Ask your accountability partner or, some friends/family to give you feedback on what they may even notice triggers your anxiety. Take some time to dive deep. This is worth looking into. You are worth taking the time to figure out. Don't just keep muddling through.

4. Practice self-care. Shame and guilt may tell you not to take the time for self-care. In my case, shame and guilt makes me feel like I shouldn't need as much quiet time alone as I do when I'm going through a high-anxiety season. My shame and guilt tries to tell me that I'm a burden when I take the time for self-care. It's not true. When I take the time for self-care, I am better able to care for others. We can't pour from an empty well.

5. Make a list of personal coping mechanisms. This is good to do in advanced and, to look back on when you are in an anxious state. What has helped you to calm down during a high-anxiety time in the past? Write down some tips for yourself to look back on when you're "in the thick of it". My personal list (in no particular order) includes: lighting my lavender & chamomile candle, drinking chamomile tea, listening to calming music, deep breathing exercises, praying to God, writing in my prayer journal, going for a walk alone, talking with Nick, taking a bath, drinking more water, eating healthier foods, etc.

Here's one of my current favorite songs to listen to when I'm feeling anxious.



Honestly, I wasn't even planning on sharing this list or even touching on this topic with you all today but, with all of the recent news of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, it was something heavy on my heart.


Mental health is just as important as physical health and, I'm working on bettering both every day.

Monday, June 11, 2018

Weekend Wrap Up + Knock on Wood

As I begin to write this blog post, I can't help but feel excited because I feel like I am finally back in the groove of my normal routine. I need to go knock on some wood or something because of what I am about to share: nobody in my house is sick right now and it's about darn time. It's basically summer! Flu season, be gone already!

This past weekend was a busy one and, so so great!

On Friday night, Piper stayed over at my mom's house while Nick and I went out with some friends to celebrate a birthday in our group. It was so much fun to go out, have a couple beers, chat and laugh way too hard.



On Saturday morning, Piper was still at my mom's since she slept over night. Nick and I woke up at normal time (about 7 am) and headed out for a walk at the beach. 


We spent about an hour or so at the beach, just walking the boardwalk and taking in the views. It was the perfect way to start the day! So relaxing and soul-refreshing.


On Saturday evening, we finally planted our garden. We stuck with the basics this year and planted our top 4 favorites and most used produce: tomatoes, string beans, corn and zucchini.


On Sunday morning, Nick left early for sound check at church. This Sunday was exciting and so much easier than usual because, for the first time ever, we got to drive separate to church in our own vehicles. It's so much easier now that we have two vehicles (see the post: My First SUV). Prior to this Sunday, we always had to make arrangements to either borrow my mom's vehicle or ride in with them. Having two vehicles is kind of wonderful. I am starting to wonder how we went over four years with just one, now.

On Sunday afternoon, we went our separate ways to attend a couple parties. Nick and Piper went to a BBQ at our friend's house while I went to a bridal shower at the beach. See, yet again, having two vehicles is such a blessing to our family! After the bridal shower, I went shopping for our groceries for the week and then met Nick and Piper back at home. 

I am so excited to be back in our normal routine again. I meal planned for the week and, here's what I'm planning for dinner's:

Monday - Salmon with Broccoli + Fries
Tuesday - Burrito Bowls
Wednesday - Cheeseburger Salads
Thursday - Buffalo Chicken Wraps + Asparagus
Friday - Wings + Homemade Flatbread Pizza

I am hoping to make it to the gym a couple times this week, too.

Readers, what's your game plan to make this week run smoothly for yourself? Raise your hand if you've got a meal plan ready to be put into action!

Thursday, June 7, 2018

Rest Day = A Day Wasted?

Wow! I seem to be constantly reminded how much can change in a matter of hours lately, especially when it comes to my health.

Yesterday morning started out rough. I began an antibiotic the night before and woke up feeling, well, for lack of a better example... I woke up feeling drunk. I just couldn't shake it. I knew that fatigue was a side-effect of my antibiotic but, this was some next-level fatigue. I felt like I was having an outer-body experience for the better part of my day.

Mid-morning, my grandma came to grab Piper for a few hours so I could rest and, I'm so thankful that she did. I ended up canceling my appointments for later in the day and, just spent yet another day resting.

It's so hard for me to "waste a day" resting, especially since this was the third day in a row. On Monday, I had the stomach flu - bad, on Tuesday I was recovering and, on Wednesday, I was adjusting to this new antibiotic. Let's hope there's no surprises in store for me, today. I am just looking for a little bit of normal - I would just love a normal, ordinary day. 

Now, of course, I know that resting should not be considered a waste of a day. Rest is important. It is a form of self-care. Speaking of self-care, a few weeks ago I filmed a self-care day at the YMCA and finally got around to uploading it last night.


Of course my self-care day included some time at the zoo because, we basically live there. That is, when we aren't sick.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

My First SUV

Hey friends! How are you doing? After a long weekend of being down with the stomach flu, we are all doing a lot better now. That is, with one little exception. I developed an infection {cellulitis} while down with the stomach flu and now I’m on an antibiotic. To say that I’m exhausted is an understatement. I am thankful, however, that all pain is gone!

Last week, I promised that I had some new exciting news to share.

After almost 10 years of driving around in my little Ford Escort, our family finally upgraded to an SUV! My first SUV! 

Our "new" SUV is an older H3 {a 2006} and, it is high mileage but, it is in great shape, all things considered. Given it's age and mileage - it's likely coming in to a higher-maintenance period of it's life but, thankfully, Nick is a mechanic and he should be able to give it all the TLC it needs to stay dependable for our family.

Ever since Nick and I decided that we wanted to expand our family, we have been talking about getting an SUV. The price was never right, though. We actually gave up the search all together a couple weeks ago, when we agreed to just stick it out with my car for the long haul and figure it out later. Not even 24 hours later, we ran into a little thing called fate.


As we arrived at my mom's house two weekends ago, her friend was getting into her SUV in the driveway. I told Nick, "that would be the perfect size SUV for us". I really liked the style of it, too. When we got out of our car, I asked my mom's friend how she liked her SUV. She said she loved it but, she had to sell it because she was possibly looking for an SUV with a third row. I asked her how much she was selling it for and, it was in our price range! I got really excited and asked Nick to look it over. It took Nick a little more convincing but, before we knew it, we were test driving it and putting an offer on it later that evening.






This entire experience was just another example that I can plan all I want - fate will always find me.

This SUV is such a blessing for our family. I feel like by purchasing our first SUV, we just found another piece to the puzzle of expanding our family.

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Friday, June 1, 2018

June 2018 Goals

Happy June, everyone! Are you ready for a fresh start? Well, today is the day - even if it's a Friday!

I love to make goals for each month. It keeps my weight-loss journey feeling fresh! This month, I am going to work toward 3 main goals.

{source}

1. Drink 120 oz. of water, 5 days a week

2. Visit the Gym 10x this month

3. Track nutrition daily, 5x per week

Now that it's June, I can feel time speeding up quite a bit. The closer it gets to summer, the more busy we seem to be getting. 

This week went especially fast for us! We found out some very exciting news earlier in the week that I hope to be sharing with you in a post, soon. It's a big change for us and we're really excited! We have an appointment this afternoon and then hopefully we'll have some exciting news to share with you all sometime next week! See you then! Have a great weekend, everyone!

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Current Motivation Strategies

If you've been hanging around my blog lately then, it's no surprise that I've been spending a lot of time on YouTube lately. Whether it be posting my own videos or watching other inspiring videos - I've been watching a lot of YouTube! I watch videos while I'm doing dishes and, when I'm working out. I'm addicted and, for good reason.

I've been following a lot of inspiring YouTube channels lately, and I wanted to share my list of my top favorites, currently.





Between watching inspiring YouTube videos and, pinning inspiring pins on Pinterest - I have been staying fairly motivated lately!

{source}

Motivation fades and, finding new ways to stay motivated throughout any weight-loss journey is crucial.

Readers, what are some ways you stay motivated?

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

May 2018 Final Weigh-In Results

Even though May doesn't officially end until tomorrow, yesterday was my last weigh-in for the month! I think I was at an unfair advantage since my last weigh-in was the day after a long Memorial Day weekend but, guess what, I did pretty alright. 

Here are the final results for the month of May:

5/1/18: 239 lbs.
5/8/18: 237.8 lbs.
5/15/18: 237.6 lbs.
5/22/18: 236.7 lbs.
5/29/18: 237.5 lbs.

I certainly didn't lose a lot of weight but, I didn't gain anything, either! I am feeling super happy and empowered. Not even because of the scale, obviously. I just feel empowered in general. 

{Source}

I've been a regular at my gym lately and, it's been making me feel so good! Feeling good really does make the difference, even if there's not much difference showing up on the scale.

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Healthy Lifestyles Don't Have Forbidden Foods

How as your holiday weekend? Please don't tell me I'm the only one feeling a little bloated from indulging in some yummy picnic food! Please also don't let that be a reason for not getting back on track today. Instead, try to drink as much water as you can and make some healthy choices to offset the weekend. 

If you're like me, this isn't about being on a diet - it's about working toward a healthier lifestyle. Sustainable healthy lifestyles don't have "forbidden foods". Everything is allowed but, in moderation.

{source}

I don't know about you but, I was definitely happy for that reminder after this holiday weekend.

Thanks to pushing the reset button during this long, holiday weekend, I have a good mentality about getting back on track despite my indulgence. Sometimes, when I'm not in a good place, I will find any excuse to just keep going off track but, today, I feel empowered to get back on track.

If you're struggling to get back on track today - don't forget that each day is a new chance to make a change. Each meal, even. As my girl, 70lbsoflife on YouTube says: "You hold the power in your hands to make any changes you want in your life."

Let's make today a day of empowerment!

Monday, May 28, 2018

Happy Memorial Day 2018

Happy Memorial Day!


Our family lives in freedom because of those who served and continue to serve our country. We are forever grateful.



This morning, I woke up early while Nick and Piper were still asleep. I went for a walk along some back roads and meditated on how grateful I am for my life and my family. God is so good and, it's important to take some time each day to meditate on that truth. After I got back home, I picked up Nick and Piper and we went into town to watch the Memorial Day parade.


This weekend was really fun and, we plan to enjoy the rest of the day with Nick home, as well. I hope you all are having a wonderful Memorial Day and, a great week ahead!

Friday, May 25, 2018

May 2018 Weight Update

Hey you guys! Sorry for going dark on the blog yesterday.

Yesterday, Nick was home from work so he could attend Piper's urologist appointment with us. At the appointment, we found out that the blood in her urine was finally gone ( YAY!) and, we also aren't quite sure why it was there to begin with - all we know is that her kidney ultrasound came back beautiful. Praise God!

I feel like the door has finally closed on that scary chapter of waiting and worrying if there was something wrong with our baby girl - and, when I say baby girl of course I mean my 3 year old daughter who will forever be my baby. I wouldn't have made it through the wait as well without putting my trust in God and, praying throughout it all.

After the appointment, Nick and I took Piper out to lunch at Cheddars - one of our new favorite places to take her out to eat because of their massive fish tank. She loves to watch the fish! I took some footage from our day and plan to create a vlog of it all, so you'll be able to see what I mean very soon!


Something that won't be in the vlog is the nice night that Nick and I had together, after Piper went to visit with her Nina and Papa. Nick and I went to the lake and watched the sun set a bit. It was so nice to have some time to talk and, take in the beautiful views together. We need much more of this time together, this summer!


As for today, I have a lot of burlap banners to get out for shipment before the holiday weekend. For those who are new here, I own Anything Rustic where I make burlap banners for Etsy customers, as well as other rustic home decor for sale at a couple shops locally and, at craft shows a few times a year.

I realize that I haven't given you a weight update in quite a while and, it's not for lack of progress. I'm actually quite happy to say that the scale has been going down this month!

5/1/18: 239 lbs. 
5/8/18: 237.8 lbs. 
5/15/18: 237.6 lbs.
5/22/18: 236.7 lbs.

While I haven't made any significant progress on the scale, I am still super happy because any loss is more than welcome right now, especially with how much we've been eating out lately. I think my time at the gym has definitely been saving my butt this month!

Now I'm off to enjoy our long, holiday weekend! I hope to make it a healthy and fun one!

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

3 Tips to Fight a Bad Mood

Do you ever have one of those days when you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Well, I've had one of those days twice in a row. It's not the best feeling but, it's also not the end of the world.

We can wake up in a bad mood for many different reasons - for me, I think I'm battling some sort of virus. The same virus that my daughter has, yet again. I swear, the sickness is never ending ever since she's been playing with other kids a few days a week at the YMCA child watch. I know this is just all a part of building up her little immune system and, I'm glad that it's happening now, in hopes that she will have to battle less this Fall when she starts preschool!

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed is one thing and, letting the bad mood continue throughout the rest of the day is another.

Yesterday morning, I had a hard time shaking my bad mood. It continued throughout a majority of the morning before I decided to do something about it. Here's the three tips I came up with to shake a bad mood and make sure it doesn't take over your entire day.


1. Don't Be Hard On Yourself

The last thing you need to do is indulge in negative self talk. Everyone has a bad day - everyone has woken up on the wrong side of the bed at some point in their life. It's just a bad day - not a bad life. Remember - this too shall pass.

2. Do Something You Love

Bad mood? It's time to fill your bucket a bit. This can be as easy as taking a break with your favorite coffee, lighting your favorite candle or, in my case, yesterday I went to the gym and ran on the treadmill. Whatever you can do reasonably within your day to fill your bucket a bit - treat yourself to it.

3. Fake It Until You Make It 

If this truly is the occasional bad mood/wake up on the wrong side of the bed situation - then you could try to just fake it until you make it! Don't feel like smiling? Smile anyway! Speak gently, even if you want to scream. Just - fake it until you are finally feeling as calm and happy as you appear to be.

However, if these feelings are more consistent and more frequent than the occasional day or two, then "fake it until you make it" may be one of the worst things you could do. If you notice you're feeling low or off for more than a couple days and can't identify the reason then, you may want to investigate further and/or seek the advice of a doctor.

Readers, do you have any other tips for fighting a bad mood? I'd say I'm asking for a friend but, you already know the truth.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Day in the Life + Healthy Living Vlog

Hey everyone! I hope Monday wasn't too rough on you.

One of the most requested topics on the blog is for a peak into my daily life. I filmed a lot of footage last week and, managed to make a 7 minute vlog, sharing a full day in my life. The footage in this video was all from last Thursday, May 17th.


I hope you enjoyed this peak into our day! They aren't all this easy and fun but, this was a really great day!

Monday, May 21, 2018

Piper's First Fishing Derby 2018

Yesterday, Piper participated in her first fishing derby! It was actually her first time fishing, ever. She loved it! Piper won 1st place for her age range (1 - 5 yrs.) and she won 2nd place for the biggest fish overall! We were so proud and, she was, too!



Piper has been asking to go fishing for a while now. Nick and I don't know anything about fishing and so, we were super grateful that Nick's brother is basically a pro and was super excited to help Piper out! We couldn't have done any of this without Uncle Jason.



Uncle Jason was so good with Piper at the fishing derby. He had so much patience with her and, took the time to explain everything to her. I think these two fishing buddies are going to have a lot of fun in these coming years.





Nick and I are going to have to learn a little more about fishing now that we have a 3 year old champion fisherman living in our house. Uncle Jason took the winning fish over to be mounted and we should have the prize fish ready to be put on display in about 10 months. It's going to be his Christmas present to Piper -- how stinking cute!





I never was a fan of fishing until Piper became interested. Now, I couldn't be more excited to support her interest in it all.


I could have never dreamt this little girl up if I tried. We are so blessed to have her in our lives.

Friday, May 18, 2018

Making Sushi at Home

Another day, another video. Who would have guessed?

I am really having fun recording YouTube videos for my channel so, I'm just going to go with it. Earlier this week, I recorded a video making sushi for the first time!


Spoiler alert: it wasn't a FAIL!

I have made sushi a couple times now and, I must say, I am pretty good at it!


This last time I made sushi, I bought a bag of breaded shrimp and made the best tempura shrimp roll with yum yum sauce on top. Oh man, it was amazing!

Readers, have you ever made sushi at home before or do you think you'll try it?

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Eating Out + Gym Balance

Happy Thursday!

I have been loving the gym lately. Really, truly, loving it! This past week, I tried out the stair stepper for the first time at my gym. Prior to this week, I had always been too intimidated to try it. It is a really tall piece of gym equipment! But, I faced my fear and gave it a shot and, I'm so glad that I did! I definitely worked out some muscles that I wasn't use to working out that day. I gave myself some extra stretches after that workout.


At the beginning of May, I made it a goal to only eat out twice a week and, believe it or not, I managed to fail kind of hard at this goal. I was counting going out to ice cream as "eating out" and so, we ate out about three times a week, each week. We really like ice cream season. We also love family dinner dates.



Despite all of our eating out lately, I am still hanging around the same weight of 237 lbs! Woot woot! I am really excited about eating all of the yummy food we've been eating and NOT gaining weight.  Obviously that's not the goal but, it is a relief. Working out in the gym is helping me keep my balance.


Not only have I been going to the gym but, we've been taking a lot of walks outside lately, too.


How cute is Piper with her baby? I just had to share that picture of her - given the post I shared earlier this week.

Thanks for stopping by today! Make it a great one, everyone!

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Mother's Day Vlog

Happy Wednesday! Today, I wanted to share a little vlog that I filmed throughout Mother's Day this past Sunday. I hope you enjoy!


Mother's Day was a really great day. I am so blessed to be Piper's mama!

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Gym Vlog + Grocery Haul

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

This weekend, I went to the gym for the first time in weeks. It was like 6 p.m. on a Saturday and I just decided to go for it! I am so glad that I did. When I got to the gym, I just felt like running and so, despite my knees being bad, I went for it.

Running felt so good! I only ended up with some minor knee pain later on that night and the day afterward. I know running isn't something I can do consistently right now at this weight, for my knees sake, but, I love it so much!

I recorded a gym vlog and grocery haul on Saturday and shared it on my YouTube channel. If you don't follow me there, you might want to start - I've been loving YouTube lately as a quick way to share updates of my journey! You can follow along at: www.youtube.com/goaloflosing or watch the video, below!


That's all for now. Hope to see you back here, tomorrow!

Monday, May 14, 2018

Faith Over Fear + A Second Child

For all those celebrating yesterday, Happy Mother's Day!

For many years, being a mother was a distant dream, a secret one that I only kept to myself. I had been told for years by a couple different doctors that I'd likely never have any children of my own (I have polycystic ovarian syndrome) and, so to protect my heart, I didn't let myself dream very often about being a mother, let alone tell anyone other than Nick that I wanted kids one day.

That protection mechanism kicked back in after after we were finally blessed with our daughter, Piper. People were quick to ask in that first year if we'd have another child and my first reaction when asked was a fearful "no".

Fear dictated my answer to this question for a couple of years, for a few different reasons. I was fearful of my body's capability to conceive and carry another child. I was fearful of the recovery of another c-section while being so overweight. I was fearful of our ability, financially and otherwise, to care for a second child. I was fearful of disappointment and heartbreak, should we go through another miscarriage. I was fearful of changing our family dynamic. I was fearful of the wait.


After a while, my fearful "no" became a fearful "maybe". With fear comes doubt and, before long, "maybe" was the only answer I had as to whether or not we'd try for a second child. {Waiting for clarity is hard. The book "Wait and See" by Wendy Pope helps.}

Before moving forward, let me just say, fear, doubt and guilt really like to hang out together. 

Whenever I let myself think about my "maybe" turning into a "yes", guilt found it's way to me. I felt guilty for even thinking about wanting a second child. We had been so incredibly blessed with one miracle baby; a baby that was never guaranteed to us, even in the final hours of her birth through emergency c-section. How could I possibly think about trying for another child? To push our luck? To risk the heartbreak?

I realize that worrying about "pushing our luck" and "risking heartbreak" were my ways of minimizing the glory and power of God.
Proverbs 3: 5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
When Piper turned 3 years old, I sought God on many occasion for the right answer to the question "should we be trying for another child". Along with the support and encouragement of my husband, I felt the stir in my heart but, fear kept winning.

Earlier this year, I came to realize that I spent too many years being too distracted with fear, doubt and guilt to hear His answer to my question. It took a while to come to that realization but, once I had, I began faithfully praying for clarity beyond fear.

I prayed for God to help me see His will for my life and our family -- that if it be His will for us to have a second child, that we will be called at the right timing -- in His perfect timing.

Speaking of His perfect timing - the sermon at church this weekend definitely seemed to come to me in His perfect timing. I've shared the recording of the sermon, below.



At about 20 minutes in, it was said that "in the waiting, prayer opens our heart to filling our deepest and our truest need. A relationship with the Father." Yes. A thousand times, yes. A couple minutes later, Sarah shares how to begin praying persistently. It's definitely worth watching. I'll be coming back to it, myself, over and over.


If ever we should be so blessed with a second child, I rest in His grace and in knowing that it will all be in His perfect timing and, by His will alone.

Please pray for us.