I Can Do Hard Things

A few months ago, I realized that I wanted to work on strength training, but I wasn’t quite ready yet. I had a lot of excuses for not starting right then, some of which were valid. I wanted to lose some weight first and I knew that I would have more capacity to jump into this new stage of wellness once both of my kids were in school in September.

Well, it is September now and I am coming to realize that I had more hidden excuses. The thought of having someone looking at my body, as physical trainers must, made me uncomfortable. 

I talked about this in therapy some and realized that I was also believing some lies that were preventing me from taking the first step. 

I was believing the lie that physical trainers aren’t likely able to accommodate for people who are my size. I was letting fear tell me that they might push me too far and I’ll get hurt. I dreaded the thought of how much money this might cost. I was coming up with a lot of reasons of why I shouldn’t do this, and it almost held me back.

After my therapy call this morning, I went onto the website for the gym that I am already a member of. There is an opportunity at my gym for a free consultation with a personal trainer, after that it’s $35-45 per session. Since I will only need 1-2 sessions per week for about 2 months, that’s doable. I don’t need a personal trainer for always, just to help me feel confident in how I’m working out to prevent injury.

I looked through the list of personal trainers and I was relieved to see that there is a lady who has lost 120 pounds. She knows what it is like to be in my shoes. She already knows that my body will not move like the body of someone who is lighter and leaner. I could feel myself let down my guard a bit and trust this might just work out.

So, today I took a first step. I’m hopeful for where this will go and I’m a little nervous about how hard it might be. But, I can do hard things.

A Challenging Week

It’s Wednesday, the second day of September, and I am writing to you from my morning walk thanks to voice to text.

It stormed this morning and the dark clouds are still hanging around, but thankfully I’m not getting rained on at the moment. It is warm and muggy but tolerable. The crickets are still chirping from the night, and it’s a beautiful peaceful morning to go out for a walk.

Yesterday was the first day that I did the morning school routine and headed straight into the office for work. I did not get a walk in like I had planned. I am working remotely from home today, which makes it easier to go for a quick walk before I get started.

Although I can see all the ways that this week is going well, I must say that it has not been without challenge. On Monday night, we got a call from Piper‘s Basketball coach that she hurt her ankle. It was a stressful evening as we tried to figure out if we should take her in to be seen or not. We prayed for wisdom and we kept her home. The next morning was a little better and she was able to go to school with a brace on. She’s doing even better today, thank the Lord!

Yesterday, one of our beloved chickens died. We knew it was coming, but it didn’t make it any easier. The girls came home from school to the bad news, but they are processing it well and in their own ways. Before bed, my husband and I found another chicken seems to be sick and we have isolated her and we’re waiting to see what will happen. The girls don’t know about her yet.

I have very clearly been coping with all of these things with comfort food, which is an idol that I am trying to surrender. An idol is anything that we use to take place of God, even if unaware in the moment.

God is our comforter, not comfort food. Food is a gift that he gave us to enjoy, we can enjoy it but we should seek our comfort from the Lord. Unfortunately, this is a lifetime of habit that needs broken, and it can only be broken in partnership with the Lord. So I’m working on it. I’m bringing it to Him this morning, and I trust him to help me through.

So yes, it’s been a challenging week in different ways, but it’s also been good. I am doing great with going for walks most days. Nick and I are doing well. 

Piper’s thriving in school. She is on a mission to brighten people today with the light of Jesus. And it is so encouraging to see her joy in Middle School!

We expected kindergarten to be a tricky adjustment for Laney, but she is blessed with an amazing teacher who knows how to support her well. 

There is so much to be grateful for, and we will praise the Lord! 

New Rhythm and Routines

It’s the first day of September, and the second week of school for our girls. Yesterday felt a whole lot better than any of the days last week. Last week was a doozy because none of us were used to waking up that early (5:30 am) and we were all quite exhausted by the end of the day.

Monday morning this week went so much better. It had a little bit more of a flow to it, and I didn’t feel like I was just pushing through. Thank the Lord!

After school drop off in the mornings, I have gotten into the routine of driving straight to a local park and going for a 20 minute walk. I know this is only the second week of school, but I haven’t missed a day yet and I’m pretty excited about that!

It has been so nice to start the day with a quiet walk. Right now, I am using that time to listen to a book called “Gods At War” by Kyle Idleman during my walks. It has been pretty eye-opening and a good way to start my day.

By the time that I’m done dropping off at school and going for my walk, I have about four hours to myself on Mondays and Fridays. Some weeks I might still work on those days, too, but I’m hoping to give myself at least one day each week where I don’t work. This will give me time to do some housekeeping, literally and figuratively. 

I put off a lot of things this past year, knowing that I would have some time during the school year to myself, and I’m trying not to be overwhelmed by all that I had hoped to do. 

Blogging is one of the things that I’d like to get back into my daily or weekly rhythm. I also hope that my self-care time will go beyond just walking in the mornings, and will develop into strength training.

On Tuesdays through Thursdays, I will hopefully still fit in my walk and then go straight to work (either remotely or in-office) after dropping off the girls in the morning. I will leave work in time to pick them both up as well. This is something I’m super grateful for in this season. I love being there for them in this way!

I know it’s just the second week, but I can already see how we are slowly settling into this new rhythm and routine.

With gratitude.

Entering a New Chapter

Happy Monday! We made it through our first week of the middle and elementary school routines! Praising the Lord for no tears from the kids and very few from myself.

After we dropped the kids off at school on the first day, my husband and I spent the entire day together. We went down to the harbor and got some much needed coffee. That new wake up time kicked our butts!

We went for a walk along the beach and found a new park with a bunch of fun birds, to include swans and peacocks! We had an awesome day together, and it really helped set the tone for the new chapter that we’re entering into with both kids in school now!

First day of school went well for all of us, and we’re hopeful that the entire school year will be great!

God is good to have prepared us for this next season. We are expectant for the ways he will grow us all.

Every Door That Closes, A Better One Opens

I’m coming to you now from the other side of launching our daughters into middle school and kindergarten. I feel confident this is going to be a wonderful school year for them both. 

God has been so good to us during this monumental transition. I must say that I was worried about what the other side of this would look like for us all. I am relieved to feel a sense of contentment that can only come from God. Of course He is still here with me on the other side of this transition. He will never leave us.

I had plenty of tears leading up to the day when we sent our daughters off to kindergarten and middle school, but I didn’t have any on the first day. It wasn’t until the day after, when I opened my work bag and found this note from a coworker. It said “every door that close, a better one opens”. Grateful tears filled my eyes because I know this is true.

I have so enjoyed being a stay-at-home mom for the past 11 years. My role as a stay-at-home mom may very well be the most cherished and treasured role of my lifetime. 

Now that my children are in school I get to work part-time during school hours. I still get to be available for drop off and pick ups. I’ll get to spend my summers with them, too. In this new season, my life is still tailored to being a child of God, a wife, and a mom first. I am grateful that God has gifted me in this way.

I am going to take some time to settle into our new rhythm. Thanks for sticking around in the meantime!

A Doozy of a Transition

For some reason I thought this second half of summer would be easier. The first half of summer was tricky because we had family in town and we were constantly on the go. The second half of summer has been tricky because of the mental load that I’m carrying through it. It’s all felt a lot more heavier than I realized it would.

Looking back, I was too ambitious with my anniversary challenge but, I didn’t know it when I started. It wasn’t too long after I started the challenge began that I decided to just stick in there as best as I can for now.

I really should have known better than to schedule a challenge during the biggest transition our family has had to undergo since having our second daughter. My heart and mind are heavy; heavy with hope, and heavy with grief.

All I have known for these past 11 years is about to change in a little over a week. Every day for the past decade, I have had a child at home with me. Soon, they will both be at school, and I will deeply miss the way it was.

I knew this would be a doozy of a transition. I intend to share more after we’ve settled more into our new normal.

Sticking in There When I’m Not Sticking to it

It was humbling yesterday to share that I have basically failed two weeks of my current challenge. Mind you, the challenge is only two week old. I have really had to push back on my “all or nothing” thinking.

In all honesty, I wanted to give up and wait for a better time. I thought to myself that I could just wait until things get easier. But isn’t that part of how I got here in the first place? In the past, I would try and succeed for a little while and then things would get hard, and I’d wait. I’d wait for things to get better, and in the meantime, I’d backslide.

There is certainly a time in a place for “a break” and sure, some seasons do absolutely call for “a pause” or just “giving up” due to a change in circumstances, but this is not that. What this is, is a challenge. Even though it’s basically the same challenge that I have challenged myself to in the past, it is more challenging than before due to current circumstances.

The current circumstances include it being summer first and foremost. Not only is it summer, but it’s the end of summer when we are trying to make sure we “fit it all in” and “don’t miss a thing”. We are eating out more often and going more on a whim than usual. This makes nutrition tracking and planning difficult because we are just kind of going with the wind at this point. And since it’s still summer, it is a warm breeze and it’s wonderful.

Today, I’m going to focus on trying to bring more balance into my life. Yes, we can still go out and grab some late night ice cream from a stand that won’t be open in a few more weeks. But, I need to try to track it and even more so I need to try to make it fit within my nutritional range at least 80% of the time.

The true battle right now is sticking in there even when I’m not sticking to it. This requires grit, and an annoying level of tenacity. I believe I have what it takes.

Anniversary Challenge: Week 2 Recap

Well friends, this was another fail of a week as far as eating within my nutrition ranges and losing weight. 

Remember that day when all I wanted to do was stay in bed? Well turns out it was because I was coming down with something. I wasn’t well for a couple days and when I did get well again, I wasn’t focused on tracking nutrition and just let the week go in that regard.

The all-or-nothing tendencies in me are saying just to call it quits. But, I have decided to keep going, even if I don’t succeed.

Anniversary Challenge Tasks 

Drink 90-120 oz of water daily

• Sunday: 90 oz
• Monday: 60 oz
• Tuesday: 60 oz
• Wednesday: 60 oz
• Thursday: 60 oz
• Friday: 60 oz
• Saturday: 60 oz

Walk for 15 minutes, 3x/week

• Sunday: 15 minutes
• Monday: —
• Tuesday: —
• Wednesday: —
• Thursday: —
• Friday: 15 minutes
• Saturday: —

Track nutrition daily + stay within calorie range 5/7 days each week (1,650 - 1,850 calories)

• Sunday: —
• Monday: —
• Tuesday: —
• Wednesday: —
• Thursday: —
• Friday: —
• Saturday: —

Blog weekly challenge updates

• 2/8 Done!

Weight-Loss Goal:

My realistic and main goal is to lose about 8 pounds during this challenge. That’s 1 pounds per week. 

My “shoot for the moon” goal is to lose 17 pounds in celebration of 17 years of marriage.

8 Weeks | July 19 - Sept 19

Starting weight: 222 lbs | Goal weight: 214 - 205 lbs

• Week 1: 221 (-1 lb)
• Week 2: 223 (+2 lb)
• Week 3:
• Week 4:
• Week 5:
• Week 6:
• Week 7:
• Week 8:

Week 2 was a bust. Let’s keep trying, anyway.

Full Day of Eats: When I Want to Stay in Bed

You ever have one of those days when you just don’t want to leave your bedroom? I don’t really think about it too much because it’s not really an option for me, but when I woke up to a rainy day yesterday, I decided to spend as much time resting in my room as I could.

The calendar was fairly clear yesterday. My husband got Laney to her summer school program first thing, and I started my day-full of laundry washing, drying, folding and putting away. We were sorely behind from days and days of summer fun. I took a lot of breaks in between it all, and cleaned other areas of my bedroom throughout the day. It felt good to be in my room most of the morning.

For breakfast, I had a protein shake because I wasn’t that hungry.

I took a break from laundry when it was time to pick Laney up from school. I grabbed subs for myself and the girls and took them to a playground nearby. We had fun!

When we got home, I retreated back to my room to continue my laundry project. I’ve decided it’s considered a “project” when you’re spending most of the day catching up.

In the afternoon, I had a chia pudding and granola snack.

Then for dinner we ate grilled potatoes, squash and chicken sausage in the garden.

After dinner, I was back in my room and this time, I got in to my pajamas. Nick took the girls to the park to ride bikes while I worked from home. Tuesday nights I usually work in the office but, on this night I was so grateful to be able to open my laptop and work from the comfort of my bed!

Later on, I had a sweet tooth and made myself a chocolate chip cookie sandwich with reddi whip.

I was still hungry after that so I had some chips and queso, and ended the day around 1,780 cal.

Full Day of Eats: When There’s A Picnic

On Sunday, we had a church picnic to attend for lunch. Knowing that ahead of time, I thought it would be some good accountability to take a picture of everything I ate that day.

So, here’s a full day of eats when there’s a picnic planned.

Breakfast was a BLT sandwich, because bacon is a breakfast food, right?

I ate my breakfast in the garden, with a hot cup of Breakfast in Paris tea and raw sugar to sweeten it up.

For lunch, I grabbed a hot dog, pasta salad and watermelon. I skipped the desserts.

Since I skipped dessert at lunch, I didn’t feel bad at all for grabbing an iced vanilla latte in the afternoon.

My husband, the kids and I went to a park with some beautiful walking trails in the woods. We drank our iced coffee and strolled around, enjoying the summer weather, sights and sounds.

After the walk, we went home and I did some work in the garden. Not garden work, but work work. I got caught up on some emails in the best way. I love being able to work in the garden this way.

Later on, my grandparents stopped by for a visit to see the garden. For dinner, we made toasted sandwiches, and had fire-roasted s’mores.

Before bed, I had a moment of weakness and got into some sponge candy. That is one thing I just cannot keep in the house. It was gifted to me recently, and I’m sure it won’t last long.

Even still, I ended the day somewhere around 1,840 calories and I was happy with how it all went.

Anniversary Challenge: Week 1 Recap

One week ago, I started my new “Anniversary Challenge”. Today, I’m going to share how the first week went. Spoiler alert: it didn’t go as well as I thought it would.

Anniversary Challenge Tasks 

Drink 90-120 oz of water daily

• Sunday: 90 oz
• Monday: 90 oz
• Tuesday: 90 oz
• Wednesday: 90 oz
• Thursday: 90 oz
• Friday: 60 oz
• Saturday: 90 oz

Walk for 30-60 minutes/week

• Sunday: —
• Monday: —
• Tuesday: —
• Wednesday: 30 min
• Thursday: —
• Friday: —
• Saturday: —

Track nutrition daily + stay within calorie range 5/7 days each week (1,650 - 1,850 calories)

• Sunday: 1,600 calories
• Monday: 1,790 calories
• Tuesday: —
• Wednesday: —
• Thursday: —
• Friday: —
• Saturday: —

Blog weekly challenge updates

• 1/8 Done!

Weight-Loss Goal:

My realistic and main goal is to lose about 8 pounds during this challenge. That’s 1 pounds per week. 

My “shoot for the moon” goal is to lose 17 pounds in celebration of 17 years of marriage.

8 Weeks | July 19 - Sept 19

Starting weight: 222 lbs | Goal weight: 214 - 205 lbs

• Week 1: 221 (-1 lb)
• Week 2:
• Week 3:
• Week 4:
• Week 5:
• Week 6:
• Week 7:
• Week 8:

Week 1 was a typical “start out strong and fizzle out” kind of week. Tuesday, I purposefully gave myself the day off from tracking food, and then the habit just spiraled out of existence from there. 

I am hoping to do better with food tracking in week 2! Tracking my food really is where all the difference is made for me and my weight-loss efforts.

I am also making a snap decision to switch my 30-90 minutes of walking each week to 15 minutes 3x/week. This goal should keep me active more days of the week instead of just being able to knock it all out in one day. The goal is for me to continue working up to where I’m more active everyday!

Let’s pivot and keep going from here!

Taking it Easy

As you may know, I’ve been focusing on regulating my nervous system. It’s not really a quick fix, but I am seeing progress! Yesterday, I had a full day of “taking it easy”. I didn’t have any plans for the day, and so I got a lot of rest in between tasks.

My husband spent some of the day painting the farm stand we’ve been dreaming up for some time. I cut the dried garlic that we grew, and got to stage it all in the farm stand to see how it’ll all look when we’re ready to open it for friends and family. 

I have tossed around the idea of doing “pack your own eggs” but I’m pretty sure we’ll just get a mini refrigerator and pack them ourselves for friends and family to grab. 

This was a cute first run of a set up, though. The antique cupboard was my grandma’s grandma’s cupboard that they kept from a general store they had, back in the day. Such an awesome piece!

Today, we will be going to church and then a picnic afterward. The girls want to go to a playground, and I’m hoping to get a walk in at some point, too. It’s going to be a good day!

Full Day of Eats: Chef’s Kiss

Yesterday was another day of being intentional with my eating and focusing on doing at least one thing to help support my nervous system.

The day started with me helping get our daughters ready for a morning of vacation Bible school! We offered to do pick up and drop off for one of Piper’s friends, too. 

After drop off, I spent some time in the garden, reading my Bible and journaling. This counts as my nervous system regulator for the day. It’s the best one I’d ever have to share with you, too.

Breakfast was a premier protein + banana smoothie.

Lunch ended up being leftovers: sausage + potatoes + broccoli bowl.

Before I headed out the door to pick up the kids from VBS, I made myself a quick maple oat latte.

In the afternoon, I had a Greek yogurt with some maple granola on top.

For dinner, I tried a new recipe: ground beef topped sweet potatoes with cottage cheese, tomatoes and a hot honey drizzle. Chefs kiss!

After dinner, I relaxed out in the garden and colored a bit more. Let’s call this the second nervous system regulator of the day.

Peep the Coke Zero for my drink. I have one a day or one every few days during the summer.

For dessert, I had leftover apple crisp that I had made the other day.

Total calories consumed came in around 1,790 for the day.

Full Day of Eats: Regulating My Nervous System

Happy Monday! This week, I am committing to doing something each day to better regulate my nervous system because it is much needed. 

This is good news for those who enjoy reading my blog! One thing that seems to help regulate my nervous system is writing. This is especially true when I find my favorite chair in the cool basement, and kick up my feet with the softest blanket, with my water in hand or nearby. This is the circumstance I find myself in currently as I write for you today.

It’s been exactly one week since the cousins left and we’re still trying to find our “normal”. This is partially because we still had a busy week of volunteering, church activities, work meetings, some (hopefully) temporary health issues for my husband, hosting friends for dinner, attending a family gathering, and hosting a sleepover for 5 girls, all while battling some hazardous air quality.

This week was certainly not normal. My nervous system feels a little shot. I’m going to try to not overcommit myself this week so I can better regulate and start feeling “back to normal”. Whatever that is.

I guess I just want to feel like I’m not in a constant state of reacting. I want to make sure I’m doing things to take care of myself, and I want to feel better in my body overall.

Yesterday, I made an effort to fuel my body well in hopes that it will start feeling better. So, here’s a look into everything I ate yesterday, Sunday, July 19.

Breakfast: Open-Faced Garden Egg Toast topped with tomato, cucumbers and pickled onions + side of cherries. (170 cal)

Maple Oatmilk Latte (225 cal)

Since we could see the blue in the sky, and the AQI was only in the “unhealthy” range, I spent a little time in the garden. This week has been unusual. A couple of days ago, we had to stay inside because the AQI was 500+ which entered the hazardous range. This is from the wildfire smoke. It’s heartbreaking in many ways.

Lunch: Toasted Turkey + Gouda on Rye with a side of tomatoes and cucumber. (430 cal)

In the afternoon, the girls and I did some coloring in the garden while enjoying a Greek yogurt snack. (90 cal)

Coloring is another nervous system regulator for me.

For dinner, I made chicken sausage with broccoli and pan fried red potatoes. (420 cal)

Dinner tasted extra good (if just in my head) because the potatoes and broccoli came fresh, from a farm down the road.

Since the sausage was too spicy for Laney, she had a hot dog. The smoke moved out for a bit that evening so, we all ate dinner in the garden.

After dinner, I had a premier protein + banana smoothie. (265 cal)

Total calories for the day came in around 1,600.