Grieving with Hope: The Sauce Recipe

Although this week after my grandma passed has been busy, I found little ways to honor her memory throughout my days.

I had two recipes, hand written by her, and I made them both. First, was her blueberry cupcakes. I ate a lot those throughout the week, and every time I did I was grateful for her.

On Thursday, I made her sauce recipe. When I told my mom that I had a couple recipes from my grandma the first thing she asked was “did she give you the sauce recipe?” I felt very proud to say yes. Sundays smelled like her sauce recipe growing up.

As I made the sauce, it triggered little glimpses of memories I had forgotten. Grandma let me help her make sauce with her at least once. I remember her stove in the dark part of the kitchen, with only a dim light above it. I had a chair I was standing on, watching as she worked. She let me fill the sauce cans full of water and add them to the pot. She let me drop the meatballs in, too. Once the sauce started to boil, she took back over.

The process of making the sauce brought some tears, and more gratitude. My house smelled just like I remember her house smelling like on Sundays.

When I took my first bite of the meatballs, I remembered sitting at the table, covered in a white cloth with plastic over top. I always sat on the side of the table facing the windows, where she kept all of her plants and peace lily’s lined up. She used to tell me to “talk to the plants”, and touch them softly. She said the plants liked when I visited and talked to them.

I didn’t realize how much of what I love came from what she poured into me. I love plants, I love cooking, I love God and sharing about what He’s done in my life. She loved those things, too.